Christmas = the worst holiday ever

I know that some of my friends and family know how I feel about Christmas but I think some just think it’s because I’m a grouchy, irritable old person in a 20 something year old body and maybe I am. But, I have my reasons for thinking this is the worst holiday ever.

Let’s begin with the music. People complain that music these days are the same lyrics just a different tune with the same message. I hear it all the time about country music and how after you’ve heard three songs, you know every song. But that’s exactly what Christmas music is. It’s always upbeat, it’s always about how it’s snowing, or how it’s cold outside and how it’s Christmas and the giving spirit is in the air. It’s boring, repetitive, and fucking obnoxious no matter what tune you put behind it. It also doesn’t help that stores play Christmas CDs on repeat like my roommate does whenever the new Taylor swift cd comes out. After a while, you’re driven mad with it and you want to punch the radio in your car because you’re infuriated that you wanted variety and they’re playing exactly what you just heard in Walgreens.

Then there is the fucking weather. It’s cold, it’s dreary and all you want to do is go back to sleep but instead you might possibly have to defrost your car to warm it up so your nipples don’t cut you through your many layers of clothing and scrape down your car because there is fucking five inches of snow with mother fucking ice underneath it. Wonderful. Everyone should love starting their day like this. Fucking not. Then, you have to actually drive on highways to work and people think it’s the end of the god damn world and sometimes you slightly wish it was the end of the world so you wouldn’t have to put up with the idiots on the road. After that, you get to go to work and trek through melting slosh of dirty shit snow and get your pants all wet and thank god you brought another pair so you can change in the bathroom. I hate snow. I hate everything about snow. I hate being cold and I hate warm liquids besides coffee and I only put up with that because I need coffee. Who in their right mind actually wants this shit? Not me.

My third point is this elusive and totally made up bullshit to get you to buy shit “Christmas spirit”. This stupid shit has eluded me since I was a child. I’ve never liked Christmas and I never exactly knew why. I always felt guilty when I received presents and I always saw the guilt, stress, and money spent on people because this holiday is fabricated to make people buy you shit to show you they care about you. Maybe I’m the only one who sees it that way and others really are happy when they buy you shit but I’ve never been happy. If you live on a budget you are constantly thinking of what you could give that person if only you could afford it and to me, that takes away the actual loving and heart warming experience out of it. I’d rather you did something for me, or with me and we shared a memory instead of this gift that I now feel so fucking guilty for receiving and I can’t even enjoy it now. And it’s not even my fault though I am convinced it is because if only I had been a bitch to you and you wouldn’t WANT to give me a gift. If you’re a parent and you are living with a budget you are worried you can’t give your children something they would like, want, in style that all the other kids have and you feel awful as a parent which is complete bullshit because you are a good parent still because you provide them with a roof over their heads, education and do whatever it takes to get food on the table. This holiday is racked with guilt that it makes people stressed out, guilty, and sad. WHERES THE FUCKING HOLIDAY CHEER IN THAT?!? There isn’t any.

My other point is the fucking get togethers. They’re awful and suddenly you feel impulsed to buy the ugliest damn sweater in the entire universe to impress work people you barely fucking care about and risk getting a little too drunk at the holiday party if they serve alcohol and it’s not even fun because no one wants to watch how much they drink when alcohol is present. No one.
And maybe that is the introverted, grouchy old grandpa in me and I could use some social interaction that isn’t on my terms.

But that’s who I am. I generally dislike many people because i don’t know maybe because I’m a bitch? Or maybe I’m just lazy and having the five friends I do have takes up all my time and energy to listen to their problems that I sometimes reconsider having friends at all.

Me, going through my Facebook.

When I have children (IF!!), I’m going to give them gifts. Probably because I will be one of those parents racked with guilt and having to prove to the other soccer mom who does entirely way too much and thinks EVERYTHING is a contest, that I am actually a good mother even though I just cussed out my kid. Whatever. But I’ll be damned if they get so much, they turn into spoiled little brats that I see everyday because they get entirely way too much for little work that I turn into one of those people who promised myself not to slap a spoiled child in the middle of the grocery store that is screaming because he wanted Oreos and not chips ohoy! I also promise that my kids will probably learn the true experience of what giving really means and volunteer on Christmas Day or around Christmas Day to appreciate what they have in life and to help people who aren’t as fortunate as them but are probably way more giving and loving in ways one wouldn’t learn who gets everything all the time. Because I’ll be damned if my children turn out to be little assholes that another customer at a store wants to slap. Only I get to do the wishful thinking of beating the shit out of them.

I realize Christmas is SUPPOSEDLY to be about giving and enjoying people who are in your lives, but as usual, humans ruin everything. Assholes.